How To Overcome Hurt and Offense Caused by Gossip
SERIES ON GOSSIP: PART 4 OF 4
You step into your workplace and you can sense a seething atmosphere.
Your colleagues stare at you with haughty glances. They give each other signals while you step in.
Then you hear someone say, “Here comes the most diligent worker of the month…”
But this person didn’t say it with good intent. You could hear the resenting tone under their breath…
Your colleagues respond, “Oh, here she is…..haa haa ha ha!!!”
The laughter of the people around you, malicious eye contacts, and mischievous smiles…are all too much to bear.
How do you respond to this? How do you defend yourself?
While this issue might be prevalent in the workplace, it’s even sadder when it happens in a place that’s meant to exemplify love — and that’s the church.
So why do you need to let go of hurt and offense caused by fellow brethren (or other people)? And how do you overcome this hurt? Let’s look at the former first.
WHY YOU NEED TO LET GO OF THE HURT AND OFFENSE
1. The goal of gossip is to make you a gossiper
I know my reliable friends will pray for me or a loved one so I personally enjoy sharing background information with them.
But most of the time, when it comes to sharing someone else’s transgression or an offense that someone did, what we believe to be sharing in love can also occasionally be oversharing and even gossip.
We must therefore ask for discernment through prayer to recognize when we are genuinely asking for help or when we are bitter towards the folks who made negative remarks about us.
When we begin to act bitter and say terrible things about the people who have hurt us, then we start doing the same things we accuse these people of. We begin to gossip and slander the same people who gossip about us.
Though we frequently use the words “God change them,” the best place to begin is “God change me.” Most importantly, pray for wisdom and discernment concerning the issue.
Thankfully all we have to do is ask the Lord for wisdom regarding handling the issue and he will give it to us.
“If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” James 1:5 NLT
2. Offense and hurt leads to the expression of the works of the flesh
If somebody hurts us, either deliberately or unintentionally, and we do not forgive them, then there is a huge potential for us to develop bitterness and other forms of sin which hardens the heart.
“Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.” Galatians 5:19-21 KJV
3. Unforgiveness hinders your prayers
Bitterness and unforgiveness blocks the flow of God’s blessing in your life and actually hinders your prayers — Victoria Osteen
“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses” (Mark 11:25–26 ESV).
4. Forgiveness is an instruction from God
Forgiveness plays a big role in our repentance since God’s law is built on loving him and loving others as we love ourselves.
God has instructed us to forgive those who offend us, “Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?” “No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!” Matthew 18:21-22 NLT
5. You have to follow Jesus’ example
When Jesus was on the cross and in the most inhumane form of pain, he made this prayer for his enemies; “Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” And the soldiers gambled for his clothes by throwing dice.” Luke 23:34 NLT
We are called to be imitators of Christ and have been instructed to follow Jesus’ example:
“Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who ill-treat you” (Luke 6:27–28, NIV).
6. God wants you faultless and blameless
Gossip is sinful and it’s a sign of uncleanness. Just like there was no fault found in Jesus when he was accused and given to Pilate for judgment, God desires the same for you.
“and said to them, “You brought this man to me and said that he was misleading the people. Now, I have examined him here in your presence, and I have not found him guilty of any of the crimes you accuse him of.” Luke 23:14 GNT
You have been selected to be spotless, stainless before God. Ephesians 1:4 tells us, “Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes.” NLT
HOW TO OVERCOME HURT AND OFFENSE CAUSED BY GOSSIP
1. Understand we are all growing into the perfect image of Christ
I like to think of the church in the same vein I think about a hospital.
Sick people go to the hospital because they are aware of their illness, so they approach the doctor for medical advice. We go to church because we realize our need for a Saviour, the sermons we hear help edify us and we gradually transform into the image of Christ.
This transformation is not instant, the same way taking medications for an ailment is not instant. So everyone who attends church is a flawed human gradually growing into the knowledge and character of Jesus.
Since not everyone working in a hospital is a medical professional qualified to assist in your recovery from illness. Every single person who enters the church can be healed, but only Jesus has the power to do it. You’ll stop seeing or suffering “church hurt” if you keep your attention and focus on Him alone.
Even scripture advises us to make allowance for each other’s faults. “Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.” Ephesians 4:2 NLT
2. Revelation of the love of God
The sacrifice and death of Jesus on the cross reveal the magnitude of God’s love toward us.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16 KJV
You must also acknowledge that we were once God’s enemies before we were saved. Though we were miserable and bond slaves of sin, God’s love towards us has set us free and made us upright before Him.
But Romans 8:32 says, “He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all…” (NIV)
As a result of this, we have been instructed to give love to others no matter what they have done. “So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.” John 13:34 NLT
3. Understand that vengeance is of the Lord
Vengeance means to “take revenge.” When you become a subject of gossip, the natural human desires to repay others back in the same level & manner. But as Christians God doesn’t want us to take revenge on anyone, no matter how they hurt us. He wants us to turn the other cheek!
Scriptures instructed us, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.” — Romans 12:19 NIV
“Do not say, “I will do to him as he has done to me; I will pay the man back for what he has done.” Proverbs 24:29 ESV
This is important to note because God doesn’t want us to repay evil for evil.
“Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing.” 1 Peter 3:9 NLT
4. You have the responsibility to share love with others
Rather than revenge, scripture instructs us to love. “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:20–21 NIV
Why? Because that’s what we owe each other. “Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.” Romans 13:8 ESV
“But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.” Luke 6:27 ESV
5. Accept the description of who you are in God’s word
The effect of gossip is spreading a false impression of someone and harming their reputation. However, you should not accept the identity passed around by others. Concentrate on Christ and the things the Bible says about you so that you can remember who you are in him.
Here are some of the wonderful ways God sees you;
“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a consecrated nation, a [special] people for God’s own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies [the wonderful deeds and virtues and perfections] of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.” 1 Peter 2:9 AMP
You are God’s masterpiece. “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10 NLT
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. “I will give thanks and praise to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.” Psalms 139:14 AMP
6. You need to forgive because you have received forgiveness
“But now you have been united with Christ Jesus. Once you were far away from God, but now you have been brought near to him through the blood of Christ.” Ephesians 2:13 NLT
“Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:32 NLT
“Do not become angry with each other. If you think that someone has done something wrong against you, forgive them. Remember that the Lord has forgiven you. So you should also forgive other people.” Colossians 3:13 EASY
7. Understand that unforgiveness has its own consequences
Unforgiveness is a poison that shrivels the heart. It means a person cannot truly live in the present as they’re always thinking about the past. — Carolyn Miller
Unforgiveness also hinders our walk with God. “If someone says, ‘I love God’, and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also.” — 1 John 4:20–21 (NKJV)
Like Sol Luckman said, “The only unforgivable thing here is to not forgive.” In order to fully overcome hurt and offense, it’s important to release forgiveness to those who hurt you and pray for them.
You can say these prayers for yourself in order to release forgiveness to those who have hurt you.
“Lord, I thank you for your word and how it enlightens my heart. Right now I acknowledge the hurt & offense within me and I release forgiveness to (mention the name of the person who has hurt you). I acknowledge that I don’t hold any grudges, hatred, or bitterness against (person’s name) anymore. I am filled with God’s love and from now henceforth the love of Christ within me, spreads forth to you (persons name). And May God’s glory be revealed in our lives now and forever. Amen.”
8. You have the love of God within you
Since we have the love of God shared abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit, we have the ability to spread that love to others. But how can you show love to those who have hurt you? By praying for them. The prayers in the book of Ephesians 1: 17–18 are the perfect recommendation.
You can go ahead to pray and make this declaration over anyone who has hurt you; “I ask God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you (person’s name) spiritual wisdom and insight so that you might grow in your knowledge of God. I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called — his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance.” Ephesians 1:17-18 NLT
Making these prayers as a declaration will help free you from any form of grudges and fill you with God’s peace.
Remember, you have the love of God within you.
“We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in His love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.” 1 John 4:16 NLT
“Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.” 1 John 4:7-8 NLT
9. Continue to do good
Ways to do good to those who have hurt you:
- Don’t hold back your greetings and smile when you see them
- Buy gifts for them
- Hold the door or help carry something heavy
- Whenever they are in need, do your best to support
- Continue doing the good things you’ve been doing for them
By doing this, you give no room to the devil and you allow the love of God within you to find full expression in your life.
“What I tell you is this: You should love the people who want to hurt you. If people want to give you pain, pray for them. Pray that God would help them.” Matthew 5:44 EASY
CONCLUSION
You can choose to not be a victim of gossip by maintaining a strong character and self-esteem. In fact, be too busy to even notice you are gossiped about.
You also need to understand that the more important and influential you become, the more people will talk about you in an unpleasant way. That’s why you need to build up your identity and self-image in Christ alone.
Let me wrap up with a quote from Shannon L. Alder;
Your dignity can be mocked, abused, compromised, toyed with, lowered and even badmouthed, but it can never be taken from you. You have the power today to reset your boundaries, restore your image, start fresh with renewed values and rebuild what has happened to you in the past.
Do good to everyone around you and do not forsake the gathering of the brethren.
Did this series bless you in any way? I would love to hear your thoughts, please leave a comment below.
